Swine flu is the new snow day.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
