Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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