The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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