just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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