Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
