I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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