I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
