remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
