dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
