I smell stomach acid.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
