Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you have to choose: penises or morals?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
