I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
