i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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