At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Success! We fucked roommates!
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