So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize