You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
