2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
