I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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