Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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