was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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