Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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