I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
