just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
