I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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