mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
