I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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