i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
