I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
