I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
