I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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