I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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