Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
