What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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