We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
