I've blown a few things in my day
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
