Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize