i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
