I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
