I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Randomize
