Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
