"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize