You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
