Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
