He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize