I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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