Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
third nipple confirmed
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
