I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
