oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize