I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
