this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
