Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
