i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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