so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
