All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
