Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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