Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
