guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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