genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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