Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize