He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
