i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
