Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize