I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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