Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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