im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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