i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
