I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
