I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
