i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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