Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
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