You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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